Sunday, January 17th 2010

Told me you would stick by my side for this year, you told me you would hold on.
Only a few nights ago you told me that we both don't want to be in a relationship that is always make up break up, but apparently, it's "our" relationship.
Just today i called you after i finished work to see how your day was and what you did. I could tell by your voice that something was up, to receive what i expected to hear one stage from you "i don't want to be in a relationship that is always make up break up, that you want to be with somebody who will understand you and not bring up the things in the past to the present".
I should have known. Why, for all those times, did i TRY to tell myself you're not like that.
I fooled myself into thinking i actually made the right decision to be with you.
You wanted me to spoil you one day? Spend my money on you? Baby, your birthday's coming up. I wanted to do something for you. I was there for your 19th, i wanted to be there for your 20th.
Maybe you're lying to me, telling me there's not another person. If you've lied to me before, you would sure lie to me again.

What happened at camp.
I avoided him as much as possible. Didn't want to tell you what happened, because i knew you were going to break up with me. I was too afraid to lose something that wasn't even there! LOL hahh, fuck me dead.
And after being filled with so much regret, telling you i want you to give me another chance? What am i kidding. You told me today something you should have told me earlier. Liar. You told me nothing happened at Luu's. I asked you if anything happened. You know, after meeting you, i thought you were ACTUALLY different. LOL why do i always meet the biggest dicks for? Geez Lisa.

Well 2010 ;) Here we are for a new startttttttttt, without cha.

Keep telling yourself you're a "nice guy". We can see through you despite that very non-appealing mien that i always called attractive.
You know for yourself, to get respect you've got to give respect. Calling some girl who you hardly knew, your best friend other than me - is not respect. How about you face reality a little and come out from your own little world created by you, and involves only you.
I know i've never met with your high expectations as a girlfriend. I know you wanted me to do more. I know you wanted me to spend cash on you. Tell you i love you already. See you everyday "i want someone who can hold me" you said to me today. Well, thanks for trying to cover it up for all those times you told me it'll be alright if we don't see each other often.
You're not a very good liar Elvis.

1:41am.
I fucking miss you so fucking much fuck.
The fuck Lisa. You're crying like a little baby. Grow up.
:(

What a year it was 2009!

From complaining about the workload of year 11 at the beginning of the year with Mai, to thinking of methods to survive this "tremendous" year of year 12 (can suck my dick)!

Yesterday at the beach!
We were initially planning to go to Manly beach, we ready and set to go!
All day tripper $8.00, take a train to Circular Quay, take a ferry to manly, walk down to beach, Many beach closed. PRICELESS.
Take a nice walk past an ice-cream stall to buy 2 scoops of ice-cream for $5.90 (1 scoop for $5.20), white chocolate and caramel, cookies and cream... top it off with some caramel on the cookies and cream and thanks to Ellie, a lifetime supply of 100s and 1000s. I could hardly taste cookies and cream due to the 100s and 1000s!
Waited for the train for half and hour to buy another scoop of ice cream at Gelatissimo, -ferrero rocher flavour- window shop at Max Brenner then walk with the guys and girls at the ferry stop to wait for it to come pick us up. Funny, the people who just arrived to Manly looked so excited! Shame, we didn't tell them the beach was closed.
Took the ferry back to Circular Quay, the train to Bondi Junction (past Kings Cross), wait for the bus for a while, take the bus down to Bondi Beach. Destination reached.
What a great time at Bondi! The guys dug a massive ditch in the sand to throw Mimi, Ellie and Peter in! Ellie wanted to go head first! LOL!
The water was freezing, some topless females, a smelly toilet but some delicious vegetarian burgers and wedges with sweet chilli and sour cream dip!
Made it back home on time. 7:00pm on the dot.

So let's recap on the good, the bad and the ugly of 2009 before year 12 shall we?
1. Year 11/12 camp! WHAT A GREAT TIME! Staying til' 4:00am in the morning eating chilli kettle chips and talking endlessly in the dorm holding my glow in the dark care bear
2. Giant swing! HAHAS the best! 10-20m above the ground

Year 12. Year freaking 12.
- 2 majors (thank god i dropped extesion 2 english or else i would have been stuck with 3 majors!)
- a major design folio due
- 2 essays for the holiday
- design and technology case study
- SDD software development company research
- notes on the newly changed IPT, SDD, D&T syllabus
Really. I hate year 12.

(8)...and though my heart can't take nomore i can't keep running back to you. i finally found my strength to get up and leave, no more, broken heart for me, no more telling your lies to me.(8)

and though everything so beautiful in the beginning, things just became ugly. it seemed he hurt me more than he made me happy nowadays. honestly, i feel relieved... cause baby, i'm flying solo.

how can he want to stay together with all the shit between us? how can he want me to hold on when i can't fight through his shit no longer? this morning, i thought to myself "yes! no arguments today!". turned out i was completely wrong. i tried being nice to him, i tried to hold everything in but it seemed he backfired everything to me telling me how pissed off he was. i guess, i'm free from all the pain that comes from loving him. won't take long for him to move on anyway. as for me, i want to put school in front first. it was a nice relationship, the best i've had... but it turned out to be so bad. and i keep trying to run back to him thinking he can't treat me like no other. fuck, so much shit between us... like i thought he would've fixed up the mistakes he left behind. because i know to myself i've tried to...